Date a Divine Comedian!

Have you ever come to a show and thought: “Wow, that guy(or girl) is really cute! And he (or she) makes me laugh like crazy! I wonder if he (or she) is available???”IMG_9573 (683x1024)

Well we have the solution to your dating desires. Beginning this season you can apply for an opportunity to date a real live Divine Comedian. Your application will be reviewed and then accepted or rejected by the Divine Comedy Dating Review Board of Trustees, made up of engaged and married Divine Comedians.

Follow these simple directions:

  1. Download the date application form. (if this file doesn’t work try here)
  2. Choose which Divine Comedians you would like to date (as many as you want!).
  3. Fill out all of the fields.
  4. Upload your photo to the form.
  5. Email the completed form to divinecomedy.byu@gmail.com.
  6. We’ll get back to your at our earliest convenience.

Be one of the lucky people to go on a date with a real live Divine Comedian. Take pictures to show to your friends how you spent time with a BYU Campus Celebrity. Find love in the strangest of places…

FILL OUT YOUR APPLICATION TODAY!

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LEGAL STUFF

If there are images in this attachment, they will not be displayed at any show or at event or on the website.  Download the original attachment. Divine Comedy reserves the right to accept or reject any or all of the applicants, and in no way reflects a lack of love for you on a fan-to-comedian basis. Please keep in mind this is just for fun!

NOTICE: THE FOLLOWING GENERAL TERMS & CONDITIONS APPLY TO YOUR USE OF THE ONLINE DATE-A-DIVINE-COMEDIAN  SERVICES®.

PERSONS ASSOCIATED WITH OR OBTUSELY LINKED TO BYUSA ARE INELIGIBLE TO SUBSCRIBE TO THE ONLINE DATE-A-DIVINE-COMEDIAN SERVICES®. (A CURRENT LLAMA MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION NULLIFIES THIS RESTRICTION).

MARRIED PERSONS, PEOPLE AND PEOPLE PERSONS WITH PERSONABLE PERSONAS ARE DISCOURAGED FROM USING THE ONLINE DATE-A-DIVINE-COMEDIAN SERVICES®. IF SUCH IS OR IS NOT YET,YET COULD BE, BUT IS NOT QUITE BUT WILL BE, AM, IS, ARE, WAS, OR WERE THE CASE, FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO DATE (LIKE YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE, FOR INSTANCE). (A LLAMA MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTION HAS NO EFFECT ON THIS STRICT POLICY, SEE EXODUS 20:14).

THE GENERAL TERMS & CONDITIONS ARE VIEWABLE AT WWW.LLAMASRUS.COM

GENERAL TERMS & CONDITIONS FOR USE OF THE ONLINE DATE-A-DIVINE-COMEDIAN SERVICES®

1. GRANT OF RIGHTS; RESTRICTIONS ON USE
1.(a) You and Authorized Users (namely, Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Martha Stewart and other action movie heroes) are granted a nonexclusive, nontransferable, limited right to access your chosen divine comedian. Your authorization also allows you to study your chosen Divine Comedian for research purposes which can be electronically displayed on Facebook or Wikipedia.

2. ACCESS TO SERVICES
1. (a) Divine Comedians, just like blackboard®, are accessible only when you don’t have pressing assignments due. And divine comedians may be contacted via gmail chat, the Divine Comedy Facebook Fan Page, or with smoke signals caused by setting the Wilk on fire.

Authorized Users or others. You will use reasonable efforts to prevent unauthorized use of the Divine Comedian assigned to you and will follow the balloon boy principle and promptly notify Divine Comedy, the media, the National Guard, President Obama, and the BYU lost-and-found, in writing, if you suspect that your Divine Comedy date is lost, stolen, compromised, or misused.

3. LIMITED WARRANTY
EXCEPT IN SPECIAL CASES, THE ONLINE DATE-A-DIVINE-COMEDIAN SERVICES® AND MATERIALS ARE PROVIDED ON AN “AS IS”, “AS AVAILABLE” BASIS.

AS IS: MATT IS HAIRY, JORDAN HAS A HIGH VOICE AND CHOLESTERAL, DERK IS OLD AND BALDING, MALLORY WISHES SHE HAD TOURETTES, CAITLIN IS A FRESHMAN, AND WHITNEY’S HAIR IS SHORTER THAN MOST MILITARY MEN. HOWEVER, KABE IS A PERPETUAL STUD, ALEX IS BUBBLY AND BEAUTIFUL, MIKE IS WHERE-IT’S-AT!, SARA IS THE WIND BENEATH YOUR WINGS, SUSIE IS ALL-OUT LEGIT, AND TREVOR IS THE GUY YOU’LL WISH YOU MARRIED BUT DIDN’T BECAUSE HIS WIFE IS GONNA BE OFF-THE-CHARTS GORGEOUS. SNAP!

AS AVAILABLE: ABBY, GREGORY, AND JEREMY ARE MARRIED, NATALIE IS SOON-TO-BE MARRIED, JASON HAS A GIRLFRIEND, AND SARA (AKA P-PACKA) IS DERK’S ESTRANGED FHE WIFE.

4. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
4.1 Divine Comedy shall not be liable for any loss, injury, claim, liability, Dear John or Jane letters, or damage of any kind resulting in any way from a divine comedian during your date. Moreover, there will be no refunds provided even if your assigned Divine Comedian makes you spew milk out of your nose due to poorly timed hilarity. More importantly (and a much more common complaint about Matt) no refunds are provided if the date is boring and lacks the happy-go-lucky laughter you had expected.

5. MISCELLANEOUS (a word with every vowel & if you include Y, “miscellaneously”).
Plato’s Closet is not a philosophy bookstore, nor is it a toga outlet.

Macey’s sells cheap groceries in Provo and exorbitantly expensive clothing and perfume in Orem. Most dates with divine Comedians involve detailed conversations about the Medieval club.  There’s no place like home, but then again, the same can be said about prison.

“Today you or someone you know will pay for Chinese food. Lucky numbers:15, 20, and 25%.”

All that glitters is not gold, but most male Divine comedians will still purchase brass wedding rings with a gigantic cubic zirconium for their future spouses.

Pre-sliced meatloaf is the best invention since pre-sliced bread loaves.